Here's the scenario, you meet someone that you're instantly attracted to in all the important ways. You're out on your second date, but first "official" date after meeting.
Do you tell that person the good and the bad about you? You know the stuff that's important long term. For instance, medical issues, others that you dated that you might run into at stores or functions because they live in the area. Financial issues that are important? Family issues?
What and when do you tell someone that you're interested in for the long haul?
Aimee - wants to know :-D
Here's the scenario, you meet someone that you're instantly attracted to in all the important ways. You're out on your second date, but first "official" date after meeting.
Do you tell that person the good and the bad about you? You know the stuff that's important long term. For instance, medical issues, others that you dated that you might run into at stores or functions because they live in the area. Financial issues that are important? Family issues?
What and when do you tell someone that you're interested in for the long haul?
For me, it's best to keep all the little "things" to myself, until they come up. Determining whether or not I tell someone things of a personal nature (medical history and such) is dependent upon my trust in them. If I do not trust them, it is not likely they will get the opportunity to even ask!--True
And to ROOT: It's a shame that people do not understand more about the disease. CP does not have to be debilitating, and many people live full lives for many years. I hope you will find someone whom will be able to accept you without letting the disease cloud her judgement. Good luck--True
For me, it's best to keep all the little "things" to myself, until they come up. Determining whether or not I tell someone things of a personal nature (medical history and such) is dependent upon my trust in them. If I do not trust them, it is not likely they will get the opportunity to even ask!--True
And to ROOT: It's a shame that people do not understand more about the disease. CP does not have to be debilitating, and many people live full lives for many years. I hope you will find someone whom will be able to accept you without letting the disease cloud her judgement. Good luck--True
Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram If your 'partner' really wanted to know, then they would have to be prepared to hear the TRUTH,wheather they like it or not. You might have things you COULD tell them at an early stage of the relationship, that would make them run a mile. Or you could pick the time that is right for you,when the relationship is much stronger,and tell them then, after they have got to know more about you, and would be MORE understanding? Obviously i wouldn't tell them EVERYTHING at once, but a little at a time. If you want to tell them a cetain thing, then move the conversation towards that subject...and then slip it into the conversation. If they then want to ask any questions, they will...then the rest is up to you! All the best, Dr Ram.x
Thanks Ariesram
I have to agree with you, I would tell anyone anything they asked and I would not hesitate to tell them things that would/will impact a lasting relationship.
You said that you would tell someone of important everything. I agree with you 100%. I also agree that there are things in the past that need not be discussed. If they are not important to this relationship they are the past experience that brought you here to be who you are today, no need to discuss it when it will never impact you anymore.
Thanks again
Aimee-Fla
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Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram If your 'partner' really wanted to know, then they would have to be prepared to hear the TRUTH,wheather they like it or not. You might have things you COULD tell them at an early stage of the relationship, that would make them run a mile. Or you could pick the time that is right for you,when the relationship is much stronger,and tell them then, after they have got to know more about you, and would be MORE understanding? Obviously i wouldn't tell them EVERYTHING at once, but a little at a time. If you want to tell them a cetain thing, then move the conversation towards that subject...and then slip it into the conversation. If they then want to ask any questions, they will...then the rest is up to you! All the best, Dr Ram.x
Thanks Ariesram
I have to agree with you, I would tell anyone anything they asked and I would not hesitate to tell them things that would/will impact a lasting relationship.
You said that you would tell someone of important everything. I agree with you 100%. I also agree that there are things in the past that need not be discussed. If they are not important to this relationship they are the past experience that brought you here to be who you are today, no need to discuss it when it will never impact you anymore.
Quoting: Originally posted by aimeefla Is telling everything or not telling a balance of power issue?
For me, I would tell that person anything. As for asking? how would I know what to ask about ??? Only I know what might be a deal breaker. I wonder if some men actually want to hear about a woman past. Yet, I think women are interested in men's pasts. humm
Which begs the question, What IS the right questions to ask? Do you ask about the medical health? past intimate encounters? how much money the person makes? Political affiliation?
Whats the best questions? open ended questions? Tell me some really good open ended questions that can't be answers with ambiguous answers.
For instance, is this a good question?
Tell me all about your medical history and what part of that effects you today?
What, in your life, can and will affect our relationship today and forward into the future?
What else?
Aimee fla
I don't think you'd get a very positive response to those 2 questions. Kind of putting someone in the REALLY hot spot. I can see him squirming from here.
For my fiance and myself most issues that could affect our future came up in general conversation in the getting-to-know-you process. I DID ask about past RELATIONSHIPS because I think they tell you a lot about someone, but I've NEVER asked about past intimate encounters. For the medical and/or financial stuff I think that should be discussed when you start discussing a potential future together.
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Quoting: Originally posted by aimeefla Is telling everything or not telling a balance of power issue?
For me, I would tell that person anything. As for asking? how would I know what to ask about ??? Only I know what might be a deal breaker. I wonder if some men actually want to hear about a woman past. Yet, I think women are interested in men's pasts. humm
Which begs the question, What IS the right questions to ask? Do you ask about the medical health? past intimate encounters? how much money the person makes? Political affiliation?
Whats the best questions? open ended questions? Tell me some really good open ended questions that can't be answers with ambiguous answers.
For instance, is this a good question?
Tell me all about your medical history and what part of that effects you today?
What, in your life, can and will affect our relationship today and forward into the future?
What else?
Aimee fla
I don't think you'd get a very positive response to those 2 questions. Kind of putting someone in the REALLY hot spot. I can see him squirming from here.
For my fiance and myself most issues that could affect our future came up in general conversation in the getting-to-know-you process. I DID ask about past RELATIONSHIPS because I think they tell you a lot about someone, but I've NEVER asked about past intimate encounters. For the medical and/or financial stuff I think that should be discussed when you start discussing a potential future together.
Is telling everything or not telling a balance of power issue?
For me, I would tell that person anything. As for asking? how would I know what to ask about ??? Only I know what might be a deal breaker. I wonder if some men actually want to hear about a woman past. Yet, I think women are interested in men's pasts. humm
Which begs the question, What IS the right questions to ask? Do you ask about the medical health? past intimate encounters? how much money the person makes? Political affiliation?
Whats the best questions? open ended questions? Tell me some really good open ended questions that can't be answers with ambiguous answers.
For instance, is this a good question?
Tell me all about your medical history and what part of that effects you today?
What, in your life, can and will affect our relationship today and forward into the future?
What else?
Aimee fla
Is telling everything or not telling a balance of power issue?
For me, I would tell that person anything. As for asking? how would I know what to ask about ??? Only I know what might be a deal breaker. I wonder if some men actually want to hear about a woman past. Yet, I think women are interested in men's pasts. humm
Which begs the question, What IS the right questions to ask? Do you ask about the medical health? past intimate encounters? how much money the person makes? Political affiliation?
Whats the best questions? open ended questions? Tell me some really good open ended questions that can't be answers with ambiguous answers.
For instance, is this a good question?
Tell me all about your medical history and what part of that effects you today?
What, in your life, can and will affect our relationship today and forward into the future?
I think you have to take it as it comes - no point in scaring them off right from the get go. Obvious things such as aversions and absolute deal breakers should be up discussed up front or important medical conditions for safety reasons. Family, finances etc. will come up if you spend enough time getting to know each other. Living day to day life and experiencing it together should bring up kids, pets, education, family, allergies, likes and dislikes, politics, etc. Share what you are comfortable sharing. Let your partner like you/love you for better or worse but make sure he/she is eventually informed.
I think you have to take it as it comes - no point in scaring them off right from the get go. Obvious things such as aversions and absolute deal breakers should be up discussed up front or important medical conditions for safety reasons. Family, finances etc. will come up if you spend enough time getting to know each other. Living day to day life and experiencing it together should bring up kids, pets, education, family, allergies, likes and dislikes, politics, etc. Share what you are comfortable sharing. Let your partner like you/love you for better or worse but make sure he/she is eventually informed.
This to me is an issue of confidence in yourself and who you are and who you want to be. I have lived with that question all my life. I have cerebral palsy which effects my right side, as an after effect i also was said to be. Walking into a date only to have them need to go 30 seconds in can have an effect on you. As bad as that is, think about the personal torment that comes with not trusting your partner enough to tell them you are ill.
When you are ready tell them. Don't look at those medical conditions as a flaw in you, and that you have to be better at other things to overcome. My disabilities made me a much more empathetic person. Yes it is harder to find a partner but when I do I know it will be amazing
Hi
This to me is an issue of confidence in yourself and who you are and who you want to be. I have lived with that question all my life. I have cerebral palsy which effects my right side, as an after effect i also was said to be. Walking into a date only to have them need to go 30 seconds in can have an effect on you. As bad as that is, think about the personal torment that comes with not trusting your partner enough to tell them you are ill.
When you are ready tell them. Don't look at those medical conditions as a flaw in you, and that you have to be better at other things to overcome. My disabilities made me a much more empathetic person. Yes it is harder to find a partner but when I do I know it will be amazing
